A Woman Under the Influence

Weird day. Nothing happened, just how I felt. The usual. I'm emotionally drained right now after getting 60% through A Woman Under the Influence from 1974. Gena Rowlands' performance is breaking my heart, just like in The Notebook. Why did this brilliant film go under the radar and I'd never heard of it before?? Too …

Managers, Firefighters, Exiles, and the Self

The last time I saw my therapist, I was talking to her about fragmentation, how there are fragments of myself, subpersonalities that aren't integrated, and she suggested this article about addiction and the Internal Family System. A recent and widespread subpersonality method is Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS therapy), developed by Richard C. Schwartz. He …

Book: The Anatomy of Loneliness by Teal Swan

The Three Pillars of Loneliness 1. Separation 2. Shame 3. Fear HIGHLIGHTS Part I: The Pillar of Separation "The exact opposite vibration of love is fear." § "There is only one type of pain in this Universe and it is separation; there is only one kind of happiness in this Universe and it is unity." …

More musings from an armchair philosopher

There's no reason not to believe in SOMETHING. Some people believe in love, some people believe in a god or source, some people believe in the paranormal. Maybe I need to watch the X-Files soon. 🤔 We are only distinguished by our mood. 1st Date Question: What do you BELIEVE in? That'll weed 'em all …

Futility and depression are synonymous

https://youtu.be/GGorABGw418 Quotes from the video from Teal Swan "You refuse to cut your losses." [Wow. This might be the best description of depression I've ever seen.] "Whatever you resist, persists." "You're committed to a dead end." "Why would I scream if there's no one near to hear me?" "Basically you're aware that these little things …

Dealing with a triggering world

I think I exhausted myself somehow painting at the class tonight, because I'm having a mood decline and there's not much I can do about it except try some Klonopin I've stocked up on. Bipolar Disorder just takes you wherever the f it wants to. My body aches. It's so intrusive. I think one of …

🔃 Reblog: Dear You, Who Might Also Be Depressed

Uncustomary Housewife

Some blog posts are planned far in advance while others spill from my mind and into my keyboard immediately for you to see. This one is spilling. This one is for the people who feel stuck. This one is for the people who understand depression.

Dear You,

Depression is real. Your pain is real. It is all valid. Please, listen to me: those nagging thoughts of worthlessness, don’t let them too far in. Your pain is valid, but those nagging thoughts aren’t true.

I know this all too well. I understand your pain. The self-doubt creeps in. The worthlessness creeps in. It can feel like the most real thing in the world. It can feel like the only real thing in the world.

All the pain can make us forget that hope is real. We forget. We get covered in all the bad. Sometimes the bad can smother us. It…

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Deep thoughts by Carrie

APRIL 13TH Saturday is ruled by the god of Saturn. I was born on a Saturday and I was born under the planet of Saturn. I am Saturnine. And he's a really tough dad. Making others feel good makes me feel good. My friends are used to the fact that I'm a cry baby. Good …

Mixed affective state 🎭

I wanted to use these articles to help educate both myself and others about this distressing, unpredictable feature of bipolar disorder. It has come to my attention because of the unique state I've been experiencing lately. Sometimes I feel [hypo]manic, then I can be triggered into depression, but I can also experience what seems to …

Manic manifesto

So I'm manic right now and it feels like I'm a completely different person. I have bipolar disorder so that makes the intensity of the depression even more so like you realize just how depressed so many people are but they don't want to admit it? Anyway just wanted to document these words right now …