I've been suffering from writer's block for a while, mostly because of the numbness I've been feeling ever since I started taking the antipsychotic, Latuda. It feels like all the remaining life force I had has been sucked out of me. It did its job by silencing any hint of hypomania, though. What it's left … Continue reading Writer’s block
I just observed that it's been over a month since I last posted an original writing. This may be the longest stretch of depression, absent of any significant hypomania, since I was re-diagnosed bipolar in April. This, despite the dosages of my medications being increased on a monthly basis. I met someone last night who … Continue reading When it won’t stop raining
More good inspiration via Hannah.
One of my favorite writers, April Green, wrote a short poem that really spoke to me.
And the moon looked down at her and said: ‘you are too full of everything that makes you whole to ever be loved in halves.’
I sent it to my friend, Sarah Snow, who is known for creating visually inspiring videos, each one with a resonating message. She was just as inspired, and we connected with April. Sarah, alongside artist Donna Adi, created a video with a profound message about what it’s like when the person you love doesn’t love you back.
The response to the video, with over 2 million views, clearly shows the number of people who can relate to this message, especially those of us living with a mental illness.
As confident as I may appear to many people, it is difficult to admit that I have always accepted…
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I haven't worked since May 2016. It is not the first time in my adult history that I have been so disabled for so long. When I was fired for absenteeism from my first job in 2008, I wasn't able to stabilize (and get lucky again) until 2011. From May 2011 to January 2015, I … Continue reading The limitations of Bipolar Disorder
Abstract Background. Much research is done on the stigma of mental illness, but little research has been done to characterize these phenomena from the perspective of people with mood disorders. Objective. To characterize the extent to which individuals with bipolar disorder and depression are stigmatized, determine factors related to higher levels of stigmatization, and assess … Continue reading Stigma and Discrimination in People Suffering with a Mood Disorder: A Cross-Sectional Study
Revisiting my journal entries from late 2015 re: my boyfriend at the time, whom I adored and praised routinely in my writings. I am sobbing like I always do when I think about him. I got no closure. It ended abruptly through a text message, after 3 years. His friends hated me for no reason … Continue reading If I have nothing else, I have my words
Oh, illness you are crushing me Death's door begs to open for me Brain I cannot handle Strangles my brain, scrambled Hurts, the pain rambles Voices, not my friends Where are my friends? I cannot hear anyone Nothing in my peripheral lens Cats meow and rub on my leg Don't want to stink and Bloat … Continue reading I write words to have a friend
I came out of another 24-hour sleep coma this early morning. I took my missed pills, refreshed my cats' water, and poured food into their empty bowls. I bid good riddance to Tegretol and started Lamictal the other night. I know I have to titrate the dosage up slowly but I do wish I could … Continue reading Pressing snooze on dying
I know typing that feels premature, even after successfully deleting (and not just deactivating) my accounts. But as any addict has thought a thousand times before, I can't do this anymore. I kept knowingly continuing to torture myself under the guise of hope, but after tonight, after enough years of trying, I should know all … Continue reading Tonight, I quit online dating forever