I stayed

Twenty years ago tonight, I made my first and only real suicide attempt in the Florida room of my childhood home, my mother's home. I remember I was on the couch, reading through the Bible, 13 years old. It had been a few months after my first hospitalization. I was first hospitalized in late 2000, …

I stayed

Twenty years ago tonight, I made my first and only real suicide attempt in the Florida room of my childhood home, my mother's home. I remember I was on the couch, reading through the Bible, 13 years old. It had been a few months after my first hospitalization. I was first hospitalized in late 2000, …

I stayed

Twenty years ago tonight, I made my first and only real suicide attempt in the Florida room of my childhood home, my mother's home. I remember I was on the couch, reading through the Bible, 13 years old. It had been a few months after my first hospitalization. I was first hospitalized in late 2000, …

Level 33 🎂

Look. I made it back to my blog. Well, you know, 2020, amirite? Let's look at what's been on my mind. 👩🏻‍💻 February 10th The reason why, or if you want to know, or if you're curious about how it feels to be stabilized on medication for bipolar disorder, and after finally having worked with …

Recovering from abandonment issues and C-PTSD with bipolar disorder

Just because I talk faster than I think doesn't mean I didn't hear and understand you. By all means, tell me I'm not finished, I don't want to talk over you. I'm trying. I'm doing better. I want this to last. Have faith. I will do everything in my power not to miss 2 days …

I’ll never be loved again. That’s a lie.

TLDR; missed medications, withdrawal, new relationship We've spent about 7 or 8 days together now and he still wants me. I stayed up at his house for an extra 2 days for the sake of his doggy and me not wanting to make him drive that hour and back with his herniated discs. That was …

Coronavirus 🦠

Just got off video chat with my dad. I encouraged us to discuss civilly the divided narratives going around and the tomfoolery with that bill. Basically what it comes down to is ethics and priorities and definitely self care. This is a financial AND health care crisis simultaneously, maybe obviously. That's really tough. But you …

Riding this vibe

I'm a fine ass motherfucka at recovery I got this right I'm all right because I been to the bottom and I never imagined I'd ever vibe and be rational at the same time it's some heavy spiritual awakening shit but sorry New Agers I couldn't have survived without my pharmaceutical medicine so you can …

Don’t interrupt the process

I last relapsed 5 days short of a year, and now I've made it to 11 months. I've been trying this for 5 years. Let's not do that again. Alcoholism is lonely. Triggers are temporary. Understand that with bipolar disorder, more than half develop a substance abuse disorder, and if I want to shut off …

Bipolar in order

I have come so far and I'm finally able to really own my progress. I'm proud of Carrie. I stay away from booze, and if I slipped it was for a very brief period. I'm a month and a half away from a YEAR again. I'm still alive. I came very close to taking myself …